Trusting that God is certain even when I'm not

The truth about myself today is that I feel like I can’t feel the ground beneath me.

I am being shifted in this season into a new way of living and being.

It’s foreign to me.

And although it is the response to my prayers,

Something in me wants to desperately hold on to yesterday 

My identity, my lifestyle, my way of being

But it is falling away 

Room has been made in my life, but for what?

I anticipate that something must fill that space. 

But the lull in the vast expanse is unnerving to say the least.

New love on the horizon, new home, new community, new church, new activities, shift and expansion in ministry, debt cancellation, reconciliation in my relationships.

I am in the midst of the unfolding of the promise.

And there is more to come.

My conundrum is precisely this…

Have I attached myself to suffering, lack, and hard work to define my Christianity?

Is that the validation I need to prove I am still in Christ?

Is the enemy pulling me away and shifting me? 

Is this life change all a distraction?

Has my soul silently quit and taken over?

I want to have joy in this new season but want to know the new is of God for certain.

My wilderness, Job, Joseph, Abraham, Nehemiah, etc. season was a part of my identity.

I had to settle into it.

I had no choice but to stop fighting, accept and become it, but now it is being stripped from me, and I feel like I am losing a part of me.

Is my lust driving or God?

I have thoughts of just stripping back down and making a permanent home in the wilderness.

A “ John the Baptist” life.

But is this an alignment with what God wants or is this my guilt speaking?

Solomon couldn’t turn down all God had for him. It was needed for purpose.

Can I? Why would I?

To humble myself before the Lord? 

Do I have a decision to make or I am just scared of coming out of the cocoon?

I can only now trust God.

I trust He is leading and guiding and I just need to listen and obey.

The truth about myself is that whatever this stage is that I am in right now,

I so desperately need it.

My soul, heart and being needs this new vast space.

So for now, I will make peace with it.

I will enjoy it.

I will keep my heart open to God.

And allow for Him to make the shift.

Holy Spirit:

Jennifer,

You are right where I desire you to be. Do not fret. The room is for your good. You need time to be established, rooted in new relationships, new activities, a new way of being. Do you understand Jennifer? It is not just a new experience; I want you to be rooted in the new I am bringing you into for a lifetime. Planting takes time. Developing and maintaining true relationship requires your time energy and effort. I have given you instructions. Follow the instruction. Don’t follow your mind or your heart. Follow me. Your time with Me is precious. Make it a priority. Your steps are ordered. Trust me in the unknown. Know that I know and that if you want new life, you have to embrace new. You have to embrace different, foreign, unfamiliar and go with it. Remember, I hear not just your words but the whispers of your soul. I have you Jennifer. Trust Me. It will all be ok. It will all go as planned. I watch over my word, my promise and you. I love you. Enjoy your new.