Back in the saddle- Day by day

I'm back!

Yesterday it took all they I had to drag myself to the computer and get back to the vision.

I made the phone call,

I visited a couple of sites and knocked out some tasks.

But when I tell you, I had to fight!

It was like I was dragging a weight behind me, in me and all around me.

I know this was an attack of the enemy.

I fought through the attacks on my mind telling me to lay back down, you're too tired

the thoughts telling me to just quit and to live an easy life,

the old man trying desperately to get me to return to my old ways,

the darkness trying to persuade me that I was too deep in depression to move.

the flesh that found herself at war with God.

It was as though every tactic the enemy had, he pulled out:

lust,

grief,

fatigue,

gluttony,

perversion,

negative thoughts

that all before yesterday I had succumbed to. 

But yesterday was different,

I felt help.

I knew the Lord was pulling me out.

Thank you, Lord, that you keep us.

Today, I woke up clear of mind and ready to not only get back to business of the Lord,

but to encourage others to do the same.

Sometimes we find ourselves adrift from the Lord, 

in dark pits and we dont know how we got there.

I was reading my bible daily and praying;

yet I still found myself 

away from God.

I was trying but not fighting,

doing partially but not obeying,

seeking, but in all the wrong places,

working, but halfheartedly.

I was under attack, but I had allowed myself to succumb to and live in the defeat of the attack.

How did I get there?

It all started with the

lust of the flesh

lust of the eyes

the pride of life.

I was giving in and in some areas fully gave in.

Be careful of what you set your heart on.

It can be a slippery slope that is hard to climb out of.

Thank goodness Jesus saw it fit to rescue me.

So here I am.

Returning, taking it one day at a time.

People can judge if they like, but

I am a real Christian who really loves Jesus.

I am learning more about him, about myself, about the enemy, about purpose and spiritual things. 

The list just goes on and on as I am on a unique odyssey of discovery with Jesus.

My hope is that, at times, I do continue to fail people so that they never fully depend on me, but God so even my failure works out for good.

This gives me room to grow and others as well.

Of course I want to be trustworthy, faithful and loyal to others, but I have to allow myself to fail- to fall short and let it be ok.

I am not perfect, but I am back to striving for it with the help of the Lord.

I pray if you've found yourself adrift, you find your way back to Him as well.

Holy Spirit:

Jennifer,

Just try. Ease back into routine. Come back to me fully and complete, one moment at a time. Along this path there are many obstacles, but I will be there to make your crooked paths straight. You may feel lost at times, but rest assured, I know exactly where you are and will show you the way once again. There is nothing you can do to separate yourself from my love. I love you and am here to see you through. Wake up each day and go about it knowing that you make it. This is a guarantee. Keep going. Keep moving forward. Don't give up and soon you will see my hand move in a greater capacity in your life.