Battle Fatigue

Have you ever been in a season with the Lord where the demands appear to outweigh your capacity and you feel defeated by it?

I understand why this happens.

I know that God will push you past what you feel you are capable of to reveal to you and your true capacity in Him which is limitless.

This is all a part of our Christian journey in which God is growing and developing us in every aspect of our being and this happens best in the face of adversity.

HOWEVER,

The reality of this is heavy.

To live in the stretch can be exhausting.

Have any of you felt this way?

I love Jesus. I am a disciple of Jesus.

Yet, sometimes it feels as though when I finally surrender to a major task the Lord has given to me by abandoning all reasoning and moving on instruction by faith, I only get so far before I get another assignment.

As the tasks stack, and after going through so many periods of breaking, I sometimes feel defeated.

I wonder will I ever please God?

Will He ever be satisfied with me beyond the moment?

How will I ever catch up to, merge and become the image He has for me?

I doubt and at the same time know that I was born that person and simply need to shed what has been placed on me by the enemy.

Breakthrough is required for breaking but how much can one break? How many deaths does one need to endure? How much does one need to surrender?

If I am still asking these questions, then I know the crucifixion isn’t complete.

Am I super human or just a girl who loves Jesus?

What does God know about me that I don’t?

Yet, I know through my strength and weakness, my rising and falling, my faith and doubt, nothing will separate me from His love and His love is enough to carry me into eternity.

Holy Spirit,

I ask Jennifer, where are you?

You are hiding from me in guilt and shame like Adam in the garden.

No matter how far you’ve strayed, even now, return to me and I will cover you.

What you feel is the vast array of nothingness, dryness, emptiness that exists outside of my refuge.

It makes you vulnerable to the leading by suggestion, by spiritual affliction to the enemy,

You are susceptible to torment, infirmity, confusion, lack of peace that will lead you into a state of paralysis stalling your destiny.

I call to you. Do you hear?

Jennifer, come to me. Come away with me.

What you are looking for is not found in the world.

Comfort, security, peace, love is only found in Me.

Come to me, Jennifer and you will find all that your heart is longing for.