I went to bed and woke up in the WORST of moods.

Mood-over it!

I am really the type where if it ain’t working, figure it out.

If it still doesn’t work, drop it where it’s at and move onto the next.

Understand, my background is military.

We don’t have time to waste on what doesn’t work.

We are trained to find ways to make it work and if it doesn’t find another way-fast.

This mindset has creeped into my approach to life.

In my old age (45), as I have worked through low self esteem, and neediness and have gained confidence and self respect along with the contentment of being alone and not being pressed about wants or needs,

I find myself quick to simply accept and move on quickly when things aren’t right.

Relationships, activities, diets, ministry all come under this umbrella think- if it don’t work, let it go and find what does.

There are things that God has asked me to do in recent days that simply break my heart as a means of complete and total sacrifice and surrender of more than I could have ever imagined that I would be asked to give up.

I have also been led to reengage in ministry and build again with little to no resources just as before.

My concern was, ‘how can I build differently, if I am building with the same few materials?’

Whatever I did before didn’t yield the fruit in my estimation that I desired (measuring by worldly standards of course).

So last night, yes indeed, I was over it.

My relationship with God just wasn’t working. The ministry He gave me just isn’t working. This way of life, I thought, just was not working.

I went to bed that way and woke up that way.

The only thing that broke me out of it…prayer.

I was in NO mood to pray. In fact, it was the last thing I wanted to do.

So, I forced myself to put on a YouTube video of Cindy Trimm prayers.

In the midst, something broke.

 I began expressing my frustrations to God in tears.

I felt led to pray, reluctantly, for the things that I was frustrated about it.

And then, as I got up to make breakfast, He spoke,

“Give me the time that I gave you.”

It was exactly what was needed to breakthrough.

I needed to allow God the time to provide and rebuild in my life as He is working through people and preparing blessings for me for the time that I will need them.

I am brought back to this real relationship that I have with the Lord.

We are walking together in this life, in real time, growing our relationship, building a ministry, preparing me for ministry and building a life that will support those things.

So now, I take a step back and just breathe.

I remember how we first started and return to the starting point-

Follow God.

Holy Spirit,

Jennifer all that I am asking you to do is to follow my leading. You only have 24 hours in a day. If you give them to me, we can accomplish all that I have in store for you. In our relationship, do what you can, but don’t let what you believe you can’t do turn you away from me. It hurts me. We will have struggles in our relationship. You will not always see the fruit that you desire in doing the work that I have called you too. It wont always feel good. People will try to interfere, put you down, mock you, steer you in a different direction. All I’m asking for, is a life surrendered to me. I just want your heart. With that we move forward in life in love together and let the chips fall where they may. All that I have promised, WILL come to pass. It must. Just give me the same time, grace and mercy I have given you. Trust me, it will all work out in your favor.